Ep 3. What They Didn't Tell Me About Motherhood

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​ What they didn't tell me about motherhood.

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So when I found out I was pregnant, I was one of Bill's soon to be

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moms who researched everything.

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Everything from my birth clean to just deciding if I wanted to breastfeed.

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All the things about the type of delivery that I wanted to have.

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And so I made the decision to do a natural birth.

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I knew I didn't want to.

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Have to get an epidural or I didn't want them to induce me.

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I was watching documentaries.

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I was watching delivery videos on YouTube, just so I could mentally

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prepare myself as best I could.

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For this experience that I was about to have.

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And honestly, those things helped.

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I feel like I went into my delivery.

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Really well-informed.

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And I knew that the only thing that I couldn't really prepare for was the pain.

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But we made it through.

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We got through.

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And so even with all of my research and.

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Talking to people that I knew that had children, I have an

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older brother who has a child.

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And so I kind of, I feel like throughout the process, I was well

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informed about a lot of things.

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But even still with all of my research and knowing people with kids, there were still

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some things that nobody told me about.

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Or that I had no clue that I was going to experience or that I just did not see.

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Online and.

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I want to share those things with you today.

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so one of the, you know, kind of funny things that I realized was that.

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Nobody told me that I would never eat in peace again.

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Okay.

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I'm being a little dramatic.

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I do eat in peace sometimes, but if my child is around.

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There is no eating in peace.

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And it is so shocking to me because.

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I will feed.

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I used to feed her first.

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So my thinking was okay.

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I feed you.

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You're full you're happy.

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So then I can eat.

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And enjoy my food.

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But no.

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As soon as I pull out my food here, she comes wanting to eat my plate

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immediately after she just ate.

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And this happens all the time.

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So I literally, I have to eat while she is maybe sleeping.

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Or I have to distract her with something or TV.

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Like she likes to watch.

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Ms.

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Rachel or Gracie's corner.

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I'll have to distract her with that.

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So I can just.

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Enjoy my food and I have to share.

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With my little.

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But I never heard that before.

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I didn't know, that was a thing.

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And I think it's quite hilarious.

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Like you just a, why do you want my food to.

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And people would say, oh, maybe she's still hungry.

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Absolutely not.

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This little girl is a very welfare.

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Um, I don't know if there is a.

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Medical term for this or.

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A psychological term for it.

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I don't know what it is.

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Um, but she likes to eat my food.

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And it's funny now, but when it first started happening, , I

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wasn't really a little bit.

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Upset because I just like to eat in peace.

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Um, another thing.

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No one told me that.

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There will be.

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Times and.

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Periods in this experience where.

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I just would not want to be touched.

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At all.

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Being touched out.

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I did not know that that was a thing.

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So in my mind, I just thought.

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I would have this capacity to.

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Get the same level of affection.

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To my child.

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I thought that I would always want to be giving affection to

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my child and always wanting to be giving affection to my husband.

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But once I got into it, And having a baby attached to all day.

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It was like a relief.

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To be able, just to have my body back.

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It was, it was a relief and.

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I just did not know that I would go through days and days where I

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just did not want to be touched.

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Um, even the slightest thing, like giving a hug, it was like, because I

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had been touched all day, you know, having a whole by daughter, having a

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breastfeed every, every two hours.

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Maybe even more, um, I forget what it was called.

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Oh, cluster feeding.

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When she was cluster feeding, it was, it was even.

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More frequently that I was breastfeeding.

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And so.

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Just being able to have my own.

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Space.

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Not be touched and just really want to be in silence.

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And darkness.

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And just enjoy the quiet.

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Nobody told me about that.

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Like I knew about the quiet piece, but not wanting to be touched.

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That was totally new for me.

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And of course, as a newlywed, that's something that you have to.

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That's something that you have to work through.

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It's that whole idea of being overstimulated, you know?

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Not only just.

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Holding the baby and breastfeeding, but The brightness, the crying.

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If you have the TV going on or they're, Verdicchio, all of

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these things are playing a part in you feeling overstimulated.

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And so.

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It's like having to go back and retreat.

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And be able to recharge without stimulation.

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And so I think that's key for being able to.

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Get through those moments.

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It was key for me to be able to get through those moments where you are

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feeling touched out and overstimulated.

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Just retreating.

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And your senses and that being.

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Uh, TECT.

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And just getting to a place where they can be restored.

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Four.

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The next day.

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Or, your next encounter.

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Another thing that, that nobody.

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Told me about over there.

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I didn't, I know I was experience was.

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This whole thing about the mom being the go-to parent.

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So I have four younger siblings and.

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I'm the second oldest.

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Out of six.

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The four beneath me.

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I helped to.

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You know, take care of them.

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And the sense of watching them, helping them get dressed, feeding

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them, sometimes things like that.

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Because there there's a larger age gap.

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And I don't recall seeing this.

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My memory fails me in this area.

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I don't remember seeing.

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My mother be the go-to parent.

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It could have been, but I don't remember seeing it.

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Um, but after I became a mom and I'm in a couple of mom groups and

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people have talked about this, I just did not know that that was a thing.

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Where it's like, even as your kids get older, They defer to

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you I'm in mompreneur community.

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So we work from home.

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And so maybe it's because, you know, the mom is in the house more

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while dad is doing a traditional job outside of the house.

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And so.

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The child is accustomed to just coming to the mom for, for support

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or for whatever it is that they need.

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But it's like even when dad comes around, they still defer to mom.

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Mom is like the go-to parent to do things as it pertains to the child,

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like figuring out the child's schedule and what they're eating and what

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appointments they need to go to and keeping up with all of those things.

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And part of what I'm trying to do in my own life is.

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Kind of rework that norm.

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My belief is that it should be a joint thing.

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And so, yes, a lot of times my daughter defers to me, being in that experience,

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it really pushes me to try to readjust.

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That norm.

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Um, because there's no reason for it.

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There's two parents.

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And so you don't always have to come to mom.

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First, mom doesn't have to be the go-to parent.

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Even just being in some mom groups and seeing people's comments

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about that after I became a mom.

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I'm like, wow, this is a whole thing.

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Neil again.

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I understand that everybody's circumstances are different.

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You might be a single mom.

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And so you have to be the go-to parent or maybe.

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You are.

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Whole parenting.

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With your child's father or maybe your husband.

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The work that he does, keeps him out of the house.

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Frequently.

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I get that.

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And I understand that.

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And so of course in that situation, Mom has to be the go-to parent.

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Before those two parent households.

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We're both.

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Mom and dad are home.

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I would just say to the dads too.

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Look out for this and.

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Really just try to step in and take the load.

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Off of your wife or your significant other.

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Because just little moments of relief are so, so beneficial.

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And then the last thing that I just.

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Nobody ever talked about this and I don't know.

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If this is just my own experience, but.

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I did not know once I became a mom.

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Just how much.

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I would think about death.

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It's like giving life and going through.

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The birthing process.

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You really.

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Just understand how.

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How precious and.

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Fragile life is.

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And having this immense love for your child.

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You don't ever want to leave them.

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You don't ever want to be apart for them.

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Like not in this world.

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Intellectually I know and understand that.

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Death is a part of life and we don't live forever.

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And even in my faith, For us who are believers.

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Death is not the end for us.

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But it's just something about when you give birth and you become a mom.

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There is this desire to kind of delay.

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The coming of that moment.

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And so for me, This was new and it was, it was a very shocking,

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and sometimes it's hard for me.

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To work through or to even think about the fact that, you know, One day, my

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child is going to have to be without me.

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And I'm constantly just.

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Praying that our separation.

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Isn't that when she's young.

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Once I became a mom.

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It's like death became so much more real.

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And tangible.

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And, that is , a heavy bang too.

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To think about it's a heavy thing to carry.

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And so that's why in a previous episode I talked a lot about the little moments.

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And I just.

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Try to relish every moment with my daughter.

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'cause it's like, you don't know, you don't know when that time will come.

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And when that time does come.

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You know, I want there to be beautiful memories.

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That were made that.

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We'll have to reflect back on.

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I know things got a little heavy in this episode.

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But.

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I am always aiming to be transparent and open in this podcast.

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And if I'm feeling it, or this is something that I've experienced,

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then I'm sure there's someone else who might be going through this.

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And like I've said before.

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This is a space for you to be seen.

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And supported and I want.

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You all to know that you are not alone in this journey.

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So I am going to be as transparent as I can be in sharing my journey with you all.

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Now I would love to hear from you bombs.

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Uh, next with us on Instagram at the mom CEO suite.

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And let.

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Me?

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No.

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What were some of the things that they didn't tell you about motherhood?

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I want to know what were some of the things that you experienced that.

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You just did not expect.

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Thank you for joining me in the suite.

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And give your kids an extra hug and kiss today.