Ep 2. 1st Year as a Mompreneur

Speaker: 00:00:37

​

Speaker: 00:00:43

I would say rollercoaster.

Speaker: 00:00:45

Up and down, up and down, up and down.

Speaker: 00:00:48

Lots of exhilaration.

Speaker: 00:00:51

little bit of fear.

Speaker: 00:00:52

But overall a good right.

Speaker: 00:00:55

So, let me just go back to the beginning and.

Speaker: 00:00:58

Give a little.

Speaker: 00:00:59

Backdrop to my first year.

Speaker: 00:01:01

So my daughter was born in August of 2021.

Speaker: 00:01:06

She was born in South Carolina.

Speaker: 00:01:08

I had moved there to be.

Speaker: 00:01:11

With my family.

Speaker: 00:01:13

I had originally planned Q4 of 2020.

Speaker: 00:01:16

I had made the decision that I was finally going to move to Charlotte.

Speaker: 00:01:20

My dad had moved down there a while ago.

Speaker: 00:01:23

And every time I went to visit, it was like a, a place of peace for me.

Speaker: 00:01:26

And so, Q4 of 2020.

Speaker: 00:01:29

I made the decision finally going to go.

Speaker: 00:01:31

I'm moving to Charlotte.

Speaker: 00:01:32

And then in December, Found out I was pregnant.

Speaker: 00:01:36

And I'm like, man, that kind of changes the plan a little bit.

Speaker: 00:01:39

Right?

Speaker: 00:01:40

Because if things work out with my child's father, then we'll

Speaker: 00:01:45

probably be in the DMV area.

Speaker: 00:01:47

But I did not want to miss the opportunity to be in the Carolinas.

Speaker: 00:01:52

And so I still moved down there.

Speaker: 00:01:54

I stayed there for like a year and a half, and I said, , If I'm going to be.

Speaker: 00:01:59

Pregnant.

Speaker: 00:01:59

I want to be in a peaceful environment and Philly where I'm originally from was

Speaker: 00:02:05

not that peaceful environment for me.

Speaker: 00:02:07

So I did go down to the Carolinas.

Speaker: 00:02:09

I was down there for my pregnancy and I gave birth to

Speaker: 00:02:12

my daughter in August of 2021.

Speaker: 00:02:15

And then.

Speaker: 00:02:16

Let's see may of 2022.

Speaker: 00:02:19

We ended up moving to the DMV area.

Speaker: 00:02:22

I moved here with my then child's father and in August of 2022.

Speaker: 00:02:27

We got married.

Speaker: 00:02:29

And so he's nailed my husband.

Speaker: 00:02:30

And here we are.

Speaker: 00:02:32

So just thinking back and reflecting on that first year.

Speaker: 00:02:38

There were so many things, things that I just had to get adjusted to.

Speaker: 00:02:42

You know, except this new norm.

Speaker: 00:02:45

And one of the major things that I had to in the beginning get used to.

Speaker: 00:02:50

Was adjusting to not being able to just get up and go.

Speaker: 00:02:55

I love to travel and.

Speaker: 00:02:57

Prior to giving birth.

Speaker: 00:02:59

I was going back and forth.

Speaker: 00:03:00

Even during my pregnancy.

Speaker: 00:03:01

I did a lot of traveling.

Speaker: 00:03:03

I was in Atlanta.

Speaker: 00:03:04

I was in the Carolinas.

Speaker: 00:03:05

I was in the DMV.

Speaker: 00:03:08

I went to, some islands, I think it was like St.

Speaker: 00:03:11

John.

Speaker: 00:03:11

So.

Speaker: 00:03:12

I'm a traveler and now having a baby, it's totally different.

Speaker: 00:03:16

You just can't get up and go.

Speaker: 00:03:18

And most times I don't even feel like it.

Speaker: 00:03:20

Once I start thinking about all of the things that I need to take.

Speaker: 00:03:23

It's just a totally different situation.

Speaker: 00:03:26

And.

Speaker: 00:03:27

At first, I was a little bit.

Speaker: 00:03:29

You know, bummed out about it.

Speaker: 00:03:31

But I soon realized that this is just a season and I had to shift my mindset.

Speaker: 00:03:37

To recognize that this is just a season, , it's not always going to be this way.

Speaker: 00:03:42

One day, she's going to be grown out the house.

Speaker: 00:03:45

And I'll be able to travel whenever or as she gets older, I can send her somewhere.

Speaker: 00:03:52

To stay with somebody, but when she was young, I really wasn't even

Speaker: 00:03:56

in a place where I was trusting.

Speaker: 00:03:58

Trusting her to be with other people a lot.

Speaker: 00:04:00

And so that meant I was at home as well.

Speaker: 00:04:03

, but this forced me to.

Speaker: 00:04:05

Find joy in other things.

Speaker: 00:04:07

And it just opened my eyes to the fact that I could find joy and other things.

Speaker: 00:04:12

And most days it was in the little things, like just seeing her laugh.

Speaker: 00:04:16

Or, The way she would look at me or feeling just this sense of pride.

Speaker: 00:04:22

Knowing that I had this child, and so it's these little things which

Speaker: 00:04:27

is, uh, a bit of a contrast to.

Speaker: 00:04:29

Traveling I feel like traveling is like big experiences in big feelings.

Speaker: 00:04:34

But in motherhood, You still felt those big feelings, but

Speaker: 00:04:37

the experiences were smaller.

Speaker: 00:04:40

And bite-sized, and that was new and different for me.

Speaker: 00:04:44

But.

Speaker: 00:04:44

I live now for those little moments, those little moments are everything.

Speaker: 00:04:50

Everything to me.

Speaker: 00:04:51

Now she's in this stage where.

Speaker: 00:04:54

She like.

Speaker: 00:04:54

Walks up to me and what's the give me a kiss or she'll come up and climb on

Speaker: 00:04:58

me and lay her head on my chest and i'm like oh my goodness cue the waterworks

Speaker: 00:05:03

is so adorable and melts my heart.

Speaker: 00:05:05

and so it's these little things

Speaker: 00:05:08

Another thing.

Speaker: 00:05:09

This one was actually a little bit harder for me to adjust to,

Speaker: 00:05:13

and that was being by myself.

Speaker: 00:05:16

So when I was in the Carolinas, I was staying with my dad and his wife.

Speaker: 00:05:20

And all of my family is pretty much from Philly.

Speaker: 00:05:22

So.

Speaker: 00:05:23

When I moved to the DMV.

Speaker: 00:05:25

I really did not have any family that was immediately close to me.

Speaker: 00:05:30

Like we couldn't just stop by each other's house or, you

Speaker: 00:05:33

know, pop by on the weekends.

Speaker: 00:05:36

My family affiliates about two and a half, three hours away.

Speaker: 00:05:39

Which is in bed, but it's still not the same as just being in the same city.

Speaker: 00:05:43

So.

Speaker: 00:05:44

It was just me, my husband and my daughter.

Speaker: 00:05:47

And my husband, he goes to work through the day.

Speaker: 00:05:49

So I had to pretty much be at home with the baby by myself.

Speaker: 00:05:54

Every day.

Speaker: 00:05:55

And that was again different because I'm used to having family.

Speaker: 00:05:58

Me and my family are very close.

Speaker: 00:06:00

And it was a difficult transition.

Speaker: 00:06:04

Also remember that.

Speaker: 00:06:06

Um, a newlywed at this time as well.

Speaker: 00:06:08

So.

Speaker: 00:06:09

I'm still learning how to be a wife and all these things on top

Speaker: 00:06:14

of learning, how to be a mom.

Speaker: 00:06:18

That was a big challenge.

Speaker: 00:06:19

I didn't have a village I didn't.

Speaker: 00:06:21

Really know anybody here in the area.

Speaker: 00:06:24

Being by myself.

Speaker: 00:06:25

I really had to.

Speaker: 00:06:27

Learn and adjust how to be in that space.

Speaker: 00:06:30

So it kind of combat those feelings.

Speaker: 00:06:32

We.

Speaker: 00:06:33

Matt a lot, but we will go up to Philly.

Speaker: 00:06:35

Sometimes and family came down and so that kind of lifted the burden a

Speaker: 00:06:40

little bit and I was still be able to.

Speaker: 00:06:42

Connect with my family and.

Speaker: 00:06:44

Thank God for technology, because we can do video chats and all those

Speaker: 00:06:49

things, which keeps us connected and is really helpful for me.

Speaker: 00:06:53

But with that, it also is.

Speaker: 00:06:56

Pushing me.

Speaker: 00:06:57

Too.

Speaker: 00:06:58

Be open to.

Speaker: 00:06:59

A new community and a new village.

Speaker: 00:07:02

Like I'm used to connecting.

Speaker: 00:07:04

For business, like for entrepreneurship.

Speaker: 00:07:07

But just for community.

Speaker: 00:07:10

That was something.

Speaker: 00:07:11

That was new for me.

Speaker: 00:07:12

And it still is.

Speaker: 00:07:13

I still haven't really.

Speaker: 00:07:15

Bill a community.

Speaker: 00:07:16

Of like-minded women.

Speaker: 00:07:17

Locally.

Speaker: 00:07:19

But it's a part of my plan.

Speaker: 00:07:20

Now with being by myself.

Speaker: 00:07:22

There's a lot.

Speaker: 00:07:23

That.

Speaker: 00:07:24

I was taking on, taking care of the baby, but then also the household . And.

Speaker: 00:07:28

That became a lie.

Speaker: 00:07:29

I had to learn how to speak up.

Speaker: 00:07:32

In a different way that I wasn't used to, like I had to ask for help.

Speaker: 00:07:36

I'm one of those people.

Speaker: 00:07:38

That's like, if something needs to be done, I'll get it done.

Speaker: 00:07:41

But in this situation, doing all the things.

Speaker: 00:07:45

Was leading me to feelings of.

Speaker: 00:07:48

I wouldn't say quite burnout, but there was lots of overwhelm.

Speaker: 00:07:52

Because you feel like you're doing all this stuff.

Speaker: 00:07:55

And so I had to learn how to speak up and say, Hey.

Speaker: 00:07:57

I need some help.

Speaker: 00:07:59

I had to have these conversations with my husband.

Speaker: 00:08:02

And I had to let him, I had to allow him to help me.

Speaker: 00:08:05

Now, when I got the help.

Speaker: 00:08:07

This was another thing that I had to work through when I got the help.

Speaker: 00:08:10

I had to learn how to let go or relinquish control of the process.

Speaker: 00:08:18

What I mean is I know how I do things and I like things done.

Speaker: 00:08:23

A certain way.

Speaker: 00:08:24

and when I was receiving this help.

Speaker: 00:08:26

Things weren't always necessarily done the way that I would have done them.

Speaker: 00:08:32

But me being this.

Speaker: 00:08:33

Type a personality.

Speaker: 00:08:35

I'm a, I'm a systems person, right?

Speaker: 00:08:37

I'm a systems thinker.

Speaker: 00:08:38

So I did not realize just how much.

Speaker: 00:08:42

I attempted to control processes in my personal life.

Speaker: 00:08:46

Like in business.

Speaker: 00:08:47

Yes.

Speaker: 00:08:47

But I didn't know that really spilled over into my personal life.

Speaker: 00:08:52

I attempted to control processes and the outcomes of things.

Speaker: 00:08:56

But I had to learn how to let that go.

Speaker: 00:09:00

It was little things even.

Speaker: 00:09:03

Like when my husband started.

Speaker: 00:09:04

Doing dishes more.

Speaker: 00:09:05

I noticed that he put the dishes in, like the opposite way that I put them in.

Speaker: 00:09:11

When I first noticed it, it bothered me, but I had to let go.

Speaker: 00:09:15

Of these little things, because in the grand scheme of things,

Speaker: 00:09:19

they do not matter at all.

Speaker: 00:09:21

It got done.

Speaker: 00:09:22

One less thing I had to do and he's being supportive.

Speaker: 00:09:26

Right.

Speaker: 00:09:26

And so I just had to learn how to give up control and, you know,

Speaker: 00:09:31

you gotta pick your battles.

Speaker: 00:09:33

I had to learn how to pick my battles.

Speaker: 00:09:35

Because everything is not worth.

Speaker: 00:09:38

It's not worth the fight.

Speaker: 00:09:39

There were.

Speaker: 00:09:40

Times where I felt like.

Speaker: 00:09:43

I just didn't want to.

Speaker: 00:09:44

Do anything.

Speaker: 00:09:46

, it wasn't a thing of depression thankfully out in.

Speaker: 00:09:50

Suffer from postpartum depression.

Speaker: 00:09:52

And I had a really.

Speaker: 00:09:54

Easy recovery.

Speaker: 00:09:55

I had a really easy pregnancy.

Speaker: 00:09:57

I think I'll do a bonus episode about my pregnancy and the birth more.

Speaker: 00:10:02

So the birth.

Speaker: 00:10:03

Um, cause this is a really good story, but.

Speaker: 00:10:05

I wasn't suffering from depression, but.

Speaker: 00:10:07

I think I was wrestling with.

Speaker: 00:10:09

Do I want to continue on in entrepreneurship or do I want

Speaker: 00:10:13

to be a stay at home mom?

Speaker: 00:10:15

What is it that I want to do?

Speaker: 00:10:17

And I just didn't really feel like doing anything.

Speaker: 00:10:20

Like I felt like.

Speaker: 00:10:21

I had lost my desire and my passion for the work that I had been doing.

Speaker: 00:10:25

I mean, I still feel like that sometimes, but.

Speaker: 00:10:28

During the first year, it was something that was a really heavy.

Speaker: 00:10:32

And what really helped me to get out of that space was.

Speaker: 00:10:36

Just the fact that as my daughter grew older, I didn't want to.

Speaker: 00:10:41

Just be telling her what to do.

Speaker: 00:10:44

I want it to be.

Speaker: 00:10:45

Uh, living example for her.

Speaker: 00:10:47

And that really.

Speaker: 00:10:48

That desire that pushed me.

Speaker: 00:10:51

To continue on following my dreams and going after my goals and all those things.

Speaker: 00:10:57

Because I wanted her to look at me.

Speaker: 00:11:00

As the example, right.

Speaker: 00:11:02

I didn't want her to look at me and see me as.

Speaker: 00:11:04

Sad and unaccomplished and with the woe is me type of attitude.

Speaker: 00:11:11

Right?

Speaker: 00:11:11

So.

Speaker: 00:11:12

Working through that was really important and it's just helped me

Speaker: 00:11:15

to continue on an entrepreneurship.

Speaker: 00:11:18

I know that.

Speaker: 00:11:19

For me.

Speaker: 00:11:20

Being a mom.

Speaker: 00:11:21

It does take priority.

Speaker: 00:11:23

Over the business and that's how I, I wanted to be.

Speaker: 00:11:27

I want to be a mom first.

Speaker: 00:11:28

, Matt, a business owner first.

Speaker: 00:11:30

But I don't want to give up on my dreams and my goals just because I'm a mom.

Speaker: 00:11:36

Now looking at the entrepreneurial side of beings going my

Speaker: 00:11:40

first year as a mompreneur.

Speaker: 00:11:42

There were a few things that were taking place prior to I had been

Speaker: 00:11:45

doing some done for you services.

Speaker: 00:11:47

And during my first year, there were some pivots that I made in

Speaker: 00:11:51

my business as it related to how I wanted to serve my audience.

Speaker: 00:11:56

I was wanting to do less done for you work.

Speaker: 00:11:59

And I wanted to shift into doing.

Speaker: 00:12:01

Group programming.

Speaker: 00:12:02

And then there was a pivot in who I actually was going to be serving.

Speaker: 00:12:07

And so I had to take a lot of time to.

Speaker: 00:12:09

Gain some clarity about who I was serving.

Speaker: 00:12:12

I shifted.

Speaker: 00:12:13

My audience to mompreneurs or moms in business.

Speaker: 00:12:17

My services, they still could be beneficial to.

Speaker: 00:12:22

Traditional entrepreneurs, but my marketing.

Speaker: 00:12:25

What really just hit the heart of mompreneurs.

Speaker: 00:12:27

And so once I made that pivot, I had to really.

Speaker: 00:12:30

Do some work around my messaging to make sure that I was very clear in how I was

Speaker: 00:12:35

speaking to this new target audience.

Speaker: 00:12:37

And so during my first year as a mompreneur, I really felt like I was

Speaker: 00:12:40

starting a new business because I was.

Speaker: 00:12:42

Shifting.

Speaker: 00:12:43

my services billing less done for you doing less special projects

Speaker: 00:12:48

during this time, I really was.

Speaker: 00:12:50

Just trying to find a way.

Speaker: 00:12:52

Two.

Speaker: 00:12:52

I serve, but still be in that position where I am mom first and the

Speaker: 00:12:57

business wasn't taking over my life.

Speaker: 00:12:59

And that meant that I, was quiet for a little bit.

Speaker: 00:13:02

But I learned that it's okay to retreat.

Speaker: 00:13:04

It's okay.

Speaker: 00:13:04

To take a step back so that you can gain clarity around what it is that you

Speaker: 00:13:10

are doing and gain momentum around it.

Speaker: 00:13:12

And I also learned that you just really have to be excited about what it is that.

Speaker: 00:13:16

You are doing.

Speaker: 00:13:17

Um, recently someone who.

Speaker: 00:13:19

I've known for years.

Speaker: 00:13:20

We've helped each other back and forth.

Speaker: 00:13:22

In business and, um, he reached out for.

Speaker: 00:13:26

Some business help.

Speaker: 00:13:27

And he offered me a few different opportunities to assist . And I chose

Speaker: 00:13:33

things that I was excited about.

Speaker: 00:13:36

And so the things that.

Speaker: 00:13:37

I didn't find interest in.

Speaker: 00:13:39

I readily said no.

Speaker: 00:13:40

And that is something new that prior to being a mom, I probably

Speaker: 00:13:44

would've just accepted all of the different opportunities just

Speaker: 00:13:47

because it was an opportunity and it was something that I could do.

Speaker: 00:13:51

But just because you can do something does not mean that.

Speaker: 00:13:53

You should do it.

Speaker: 00:13:55

So I'm being very.

Speaker: 00:13:56

Selective.

Speaker: 00:13:57

In who I work with.

Speaker: 00:13:58

But also how I work with people.

Speaker: 00:14:01

I am managing my energetic capacity.

Speaker: 00:14:05

And that looks like having boundaries.

Speaker: 00:14:08

Just to do a bit of a recap.

Speaker: 00:14:10

The things that I really was challenged with were adjusting to

Speaker: 00:14:14

not being able to just get up and go like, there's this little human

Speaker: 00:14:17

attached to you all day, every day.

Speaker: 00:14:20

And I think for me, it was even more challenging because I exclusively.

Speaker: 00:14:24

Breastfed as well.

Speaker: 00:14:26

And I stopped pumping when she was six months.

Speaker: 00:14:29

I believe, maybe even sooner.

Speaker: 00:14:31

Pumping just didn't work for me.

Speaker: 00:14:32

. Breastfeeding.

Speaker: 00:14:33

I said, it's just another layer of challenge right there.

Speaker: 00:14:36

So adjusting to not being able to just getting up and go.

Speaker: 00:14:40

Being by myself without my normal village that I'm used to.

Speaker: 00:14:44

I had to learn how to speak up.

Speaker: 00:14:46

And ask for help.

Speaker: 00:14:48

But I also had to learn how to give up control.

Speaker: 00:14:51

And dig deep to reignite.

Speaker: 00:14:54

The passion for my goals and my dreams again.

Speaker: 00:14:58

If I could go back and do anything differently or just

Speaker: 00:15:01

do anything differently.

Speaker: 00:15:03

As I continue on in this journey, for sure.

Speaker: 00:15:05

It will be asking for help.

Speaker: 00:15:07

I even today, the day that I'm recording this episode, I've been

Speaker: 00:15:11

thinking about the type of home help.

Speaker: 00:15:13

That I want to get.

Speaker: 00:15:15

, because it's time to begin to delegate those things.

Speaker: 00:15:18

So I can gain some more time, freedom . There's a lot of

Speaker: 00:15:21

things that go on in the house.

Speaker: 00:15:23

Prepping, prepping food takes up a lot of time.

Speaker: 00:15:26

And so I was thinking, what are the things that take up a lot of my time

Speaker: 00:15:29

and prepping food is one of those.

Speaker: 00:15:31

So being able to.

Speaker: 00:15:33

get house manager or.

Speaker: 00:15:35

Uh, part-time prep, chef something, you know, some type of help in that area.

Speaker: 00:15:39

So I can be relieved of their duty and just have more time freedom to either.

Speaker: 00:15:44

I spend with baby girl or just add a few more working hours to my day.

Speaker: 00:15:49

, they will be helpful.

Speaker: 00:15:49

So that's one of the main things that I am.

Speaker: 00:15:52

Looking to change as I continue on in this journey.

Speaker: 00:15:56

And I probably would just give myself a little bit more grace.

Speaker: 00:16:00

I think I did pretty well, but looking back, there were times where.

Speaker: 00:16:06

I know , I could have just been a little bit more patient with myself

Speaker: 00:16:10

because it was a new experience for me.

Speaker: 00:16:14

And I don't like.

Speaker: 00:16:15

Ealing.

Speaker: 00:16:16

Uh, like I am failing.

Speaker: 00:16:17

But again, motherhood and entrepreneurship.

Speaker: 00:16:21

And then they'll mix together.

Speaker: 00:16:23

Is a major learning curve.

Speaker: 00:16:25

So for sure, giving myself more grace.

Speaker: 00:16:28

In this space.

Speaker: 00:16:29

Is something that.

Speaker: 00:16:30

I would do differently and something that I'm doing now.

Speaker: 00:16:33

Overall, you know, it was up and down.

Speaker: 00:16:36

But it was joyous.

Speaker: 00:16:38

It's just been a joy and I think I have this.

Speaker: 00:16:41

Immense sense of gratefulness.

Speaker: 00:16:44

To just be able to be her mom.

Speaker: 00:16:47

Like I was selected and I was chosen to be this little girl's mom.

Speaker: 00:16:51

And I'm honored.

Speaker: 00:16:53

It's an honor to be a mom.

Speaker: 00:16:54

Especially when there are so many women who desire that, and

Speaker: 00:16:59

they're not able to experience it.

Speaker: 00:17:01

And so I don't take it for granted.

Speaker: 00:17:04

And I don't take it lightly at all.

Speaker: 00:17:06

I feel blessed that I'm her mom.

Speaker: 00:17:08

And as she grows up, I want her to look at me.

Speaker: 00:17:12

And feel like she is blessed because I'm her mom.

Speaker: 00:17:15

And so the journey continues.